So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
