Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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