well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
