you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
