So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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