what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
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Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize