You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I cut my penus on the lid.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
