and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
