my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
3 2 1 whiskey
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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