I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
