thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
