I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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