I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
