marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
