I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
