I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
