Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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