True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
