she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
