How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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