I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
