I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
