Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
