There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
