All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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