there's paper in my vomit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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