the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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