I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
