Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
