so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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