I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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