I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
