i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
