someone threw a dead crab at me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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