genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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