He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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