i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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