: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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