the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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