First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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