i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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