I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
