Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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