Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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