im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
