Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
