a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
