Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
