You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I smell stomach acid.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
