It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
