just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
