just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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