Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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