sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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