My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so let's talk penis.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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