so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
