So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
