He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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