Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
