Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i will never coherently bang her
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There are leaves in my underwear?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
