She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
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$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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