So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
