You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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