I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
