mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
