Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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