went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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