Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
