nut hugger
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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