Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
