Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
